THE SCIENCE OF LOVE  
A Study in the Teachings of Therese of Lisieux
by John C. H. Wu

12. Self-Revelation  

On one occasion a Sister remarked to little Therese, "They say that you have never suffered much." With a smile she pointed to a glass which contained some medicine of a bright red color. "Do you see this little glass?" she said. "One would suppose it contained a most delicious draught, whereas in reality it is more bitter than anything I take. Well, it is the image of my life. To others it has been all rose color; they imagine that I have drunk of a most delicious wine, but to me it has been full of bitterness. I say bitterness, yet, after all, my life has not been sad, because I have learned to find joy and sweetness in all that is bitter."[56]

I think this is the fullest self-revelation Therese has given us in a moment of self-forgetfulness. It allows us to have some glimpse into her evasive personality. I seem to see three different layers in her wonderful soul. The layer that lies nearest to the surface is symbolized by her sweet smile. To all appearances, she is a carefree sprite! This aspect of her puts me in mind of a poem by Tu Fu:

Rows upon rows of flowers

In the little garden of Madame Huang!

All the branches are heavy-laden

With the countless clusters of flowers

The carefree butterflies loiter around them,

And start dancing from time to time.

The lovely orioles are intoxicated with freedom. "Cheerio, cheerio!" they sing.

But probe a little deeper, and you come to the second layer, the layer which is composed of bitterness and sandy desolation. It makes me think of an autumnal song by Hsin Ch'i-chi:

When I was young and a stranger to Sorrow,

I loved to gaze from a high terrace:

I loved to gaze from a high terrace

To give my new poems a spice of Sorrow.

Now I have drained Sorrow to the bottom,

I can find no words for it:

I can find no words for it,

But merely say, "What a nice cool Autumn!"

What pathos, what desolation, what loneliness, what macerations of the heart are revealed by this second stanza, which borders almost on silence! And this is exactly what I find in the second layer of the soul of Therese. But, my patient reader, let us probe yet a little deeper, and we shall find in the depths of her soul a fathomless tranquillity and serenity, completely unruffled by all the stormy disturbances she experienced a little higher up in her extremely sensitive mind. It is here that we find the hidden Fountain of her joy, a joy that filters patiently through a sandy strata and issues finally in distilled smiles and sometimes even in spontaneous spurts of congenial humor.

Without the sandy strata, the smile would not be so pure and sweet. Without the hidden Fountain of joy, the smile would have been pathetic, like the silver lining of a black coffin, or like the hysterical laughter of a mad person. But having both the sandy strata and the Fountain of joy within her, she is at once inebriated and sober! And she is aware of it herself. "Deep down in my soul there is, I own, a joy and transports of delight."[57] With what moderation and mellowness she owns her secret joy! In her little bosom are borne the sorrows of all time and the joy of eternity.  
 

home |  St Therese page | Science of Love | back | next